My Angel.

Every day, I catch myself staring at her, and I cannot believe that this precious pure beautiful being is mine. How could something so beautiful come out of something so ugly?

During the dark times, I knew she deserved more than I could ever offered. She entered too soon into a world that was not prepared for her. Being that she was born eight weeks early, she had to struggle with many health issues. And not only that, this innocent being had to witness more than she ever should.

While I tried to find ways to give her that life she deserved, her dad would demolish it for his own selfishness. It was almost like everything he comes across would suffer or die. He was killing me, and she saw it. This wasn't the life that I wanted her to live. I knew eventually, it would kill her too.

She was my strength that guided us out of that hell-hole. And so far, it has been a turn for the better. Everything has been going slowly as it is planned. She deserves this life, and I hope nothing but the best will continue to come out of it. <3

Brian D.

During the midst of the disaster (according to my previous blogs), there was this guy named Brian D. Dark days seemed a little brighter because of him. He was my bright moon; a gleamed of hope in the darkness. I held onto him as a friend while I tried to escape out of this nightmare that I was living in. After many failed attempts, I somehow made a successful escape to freedom.

 There he was, still  patiently waiting, but yet persistently trying to slowly invite himself into my life; a scattered life that wasn't prepared for him to enter.

The only reason why you're staying where you are instead of doing what makes you happy is because you are scared. 

Yes, I was scared. I was scared of the possibility of a second disaster. I thoroughly thought this over and over. I tried to understand what was happening, why was this happening, and what will happen if I were to make certain decisions. I had the choice to either prevent him or to allow him into my life.

I wasn't ready, but I knew that not a lot of great guys will come around, especially one that suits me, so I took that leap...a leap that could possibly change my life forever. Oh Brian, look what you've done!

Girl with the kid.

The person I once was, she is either hidden somewhere or has been gone. I've tried to seek that person again, but it's not the same. The person I once knew used to have a deep passion burning in her heart for the things she loves. She knew what she wanted and she aimed high for it. Now, I am just that girl with a kid.

There is nothing wrong with being known as a mother. Actually, I am a proud single mother of this beautiful and smart little girl. Being a mom is hard work. Being a single mom is even harder. I became a stronger person because of her. But am I merely just that? A mom? I feel that people overlooked at the person I am and replace it with just a description of a mom.

I tried to go against with what was viewed of me; I am not just a mom! I went and dug into the old me. I looked into the passions for the things I used to love, but it is no longer the same. I tried to get into photography again, but the pictures just didn't come out as I envisioned it. I tried to get into designing, but I couldn't even get through a first sketch. Even being as a portrait artist, I feel that these works are not up to what I am really capable of.

Maybe that is it. I guess they could be right. Once you are a mom, the life you once had is basically over. You give up everything you once had to love this little soul. The passion I once had for everything else, all navigate toward this little precious girl now. And she deserves so much more than I could ever offer. I am not just that girl with a kid. I am a mom with many abilities, in which I still need to seek.

Blogging; rebuilding self.

Blogging was something that I used to actively do. I stopped when I lost myself, and I believe this happened during the time after my daughter was born, back in 2011.

Now, it is 2015, and I feel that I am slowly rebuilding myself up after I've set myself free from the nightmare that I struggled to get out of. It was like I struggled to get out of a huge dark tornado that came twisting into my life, for what it seemed like forever, and it damaged everything that I spent my whole life building. As quickly as it comes, it leaves. It left me with a huge mess that I had to clean. 

Cleaning it up should be easy right? But how do I go back to where I start? How do I continue something that has been swept down into bits and pieces? Do I gather the pieces and attempt to build it up again or do I start a completely new project? Regardless what choice I decide, I know that it will never be the same.

Hello

Hello :) I am back on this.